News Item - The US Agency for International Development has posted on its website an opportunity to apply for a grant of a billion dollars to anyone who can develop a plan to stabilize ten Iraqi cities identified by the administration as crucial to defeating the Iraqi insurgency.
If the government’s offer of a billion dollars to anyone on earth who can come up with a plan to stabilize Iraq weren’t so comic it’d be tragic. Thank goodness, it's funny. Two and a half years after transforming Iraq from zero terrorism to, by every measure, the number one terror state on earth if not the history of the world. The administration is now like Vincent Price at the end of the movie “the Fly;” trapped in by its own creation gone wrong screaming, “Help me!”
They're offering a billion dollars, that used to get you a whole war now they’re hoping it’ll buy them out of one.
As embarrassing as the offer is I consider it a positive sign that they now, finally think stabilizing Iraq so important they won’t even entrust it to cronies.
At they didn’t just automatically give the money to Halliburton.
The request was posted on the USAID web site on 30 November and the President announced his plan to stabilized Iraq on November 31st. Do you think he was trying to get the money himself? Since the offer was still on the table as of Sunday we can only assume the USAID did not accept the Bush plan.
But as easy as it is to mock and ridicule the offer, which I’ve been doing non-stop since I read it, as a loyal American I feel a responsibility to my country, in addition to my bank account, to offer my plan to try get the billion dollars- I mean, to stabilize Iraq. To paraphrase the late Dr. Martin Luther King, “I have a scheme!”
I call it the Strategic Negro Initiative. It relies on the well-established fact that Islamist’s are sympathetic to African Americans. Remember that when students took over the US embassy in Iran back in 1979, they not only let the black men go free, them let them take the white women with them.
My plan, the SNI, would send every available African American to Iraq. Everybody from Al Sharpton and Oprah to the guy with the big afro in the Office Max commercial to Michael Jackson, I repeat, we’d get Michael Jackson out of the country, which in itself would be worth a billion dollars. In my plan we would fan out to the key Iraqi cities as ambassadors of good will. Oprah would host a series of mosque-hall meetings where she’d talk to Iraqi women about how she once an insurgent. Jesse Jackson would deliver speeches in defense of America that would not only stir religious hearts but rhyme and Colin Powell would do a whole lot of apologizing.
The SNI would shock the Islamist world into re-evaluating America and all it stands for because we colored people have credibility like almost no others since the world knows we didn’t vote for Bush. As Iraqi resistance fighters admired 50 Cent's pectorals, attended Spike Lee film festivals and ran in terror from Mike Tyson they’d have less time to fight and the cities would thus calm.
So there it is, my plan. I guarantee it’ll work. And just to show what a loyal American I am, the USAID can have it for only half a billion.
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